I have been plagued with guilt lately over dealing with going to public group events. These events include movies, concerts, church and the like. There are so many things I want to go to. Concerts and church are the two highest. I just find myself struggling with even the thought of preparing for these events.
First, what will I wear that won’t bother me. That changes daily. Somedays I need synthetics, others cotton only. I know I have to take my jet pack (portable oxygen machine). That alone is tiring because it weighs after a while. Then, I have to avoid people with cologne or heavy perfumes. That is impossible. I have to put on the oxygen to prevent a severe coughing attack that interrupts whatever I am attending. The temperature of the event room bothers me. Too cold, I can’t walk after a while. Too hot, I am sweating and dying of thirst. There does not seem to be anything in the middle. Then there is the transportation issue. Driving myself sometimes seems daunting and just the thought makes me tired. Asking someone else to drive gets burdensome to those few who will. By the end of the event, I am exhausted, whether I enjoy myself or not.
Then there is the whole medication timing issue. It is sometimes difficult to work around that when the medications are so strictly prescribed. My body reacts when the time has passed to take them.
It ends up being a real mental battle to prep for these events. Somedays I am up to it. Most days I am not. Just going to work is hard enough.
This is just another adjustment I am having to make to my life. Either way, I remind myself daily that God has this in His control. I pray for serenity.
If you are experiencing anxiety over going to events, it is okay. Embrace it and understand that you are not alone. I have taken this understanding and changed my events to be “two people”/dates with my friends. They are easier to arrange and workable around my issues.