I am feeling a little depressed tonight. I just finished a personal SWOT analysis for one of my management classes to finish my degree. This is a higher level class and part of it will be doing an objective/goal resume that is only one page. Part of this process includes doing this analysis.
I find that through the last several months, as I have done this process several times, is the uncertainty of my health. My health progression has slowed down, but not stopped. So, why bother doing this analysis if I may be on disability in the next year? I keep asking myself that. I guess I am an extreme optimist or self punisher. Mostly, I think it is hope. I don’t want to get my bachelor’s that I have worked my ass off for to have it just sit on the wall and not get used.
Another problem is my lack of spanish. I don’t know about you. Last time I looked, Florida was part of the US and English is the primary language. Who do these immigrants think they are fooling by not learning English? Don’t they realize that they can’t really go anywhere outside of Dade and Broward county if they don’t learn English. Even in Texas and Southern California where more Mexican style of spanish is spoken, the majority of the immigrants speak enough English to communicate their needs. Not here….Most of them assume I speak spanish and that I am from Cuba. I am so Rocky Mountain, you can’t get much more Heinze 57 mix American than me. I don’t even look hispanic. Yet, everyone wonders if I came from Venezuela. Really? Just how much lead did you get as a child? I have learned some key phrases and numbers as needed for my job. But, you came here to have a better life. Learning a new language is part of that change. My phone message isn’t even in spanish.
I personally think that the main office loves it when I cover for the receptionist just so they can hear me tell almost 90% of the phone callers I don’t speak spanish.
Getting back to the point of this post, I find a lot of my goals and objectives revolving around me finishing school. It is done in December. But, some days it seems like an eternity when looking for prospective jobs. Other days, it seems just around the corner and I am excited.
My health is holding me back this very week from applying for a couple of jobs. I don’t know if a new employer would be willing to put up with all my doctor appointments. I know that they have to put up with my disability accommodations, they aren’t extravagant. I can still sit at a desk, type my heart out, organize meetings, arrange calendars and answer the phones while pouring coffee and assisting a customer.
Then there is Daisy. My munchkin. Would a new employer be willling to allow me to bring her to work as an ESA? I know I would just have to ask. But, I get to do that now.
What about the money? I really could use the money. But, would making more really make me happier? Will my husband’s disabilty check make it feasable for me to stay at my current position?
These are all things God and I are going to have work out. Actually, that I am going to have to take His guidance on. May my ears and mind be open to His shepherding.