As I was working on my homework tonight, it saddened me. One part of the assignment was to discuss any axieties and fears that we may have about the virtual internship and the final project. I have to admit that it was very hard not to cry.
My anxiety is that I have gotten this degree for nothing. That in the end, when it is all said and done, it was just a bucket list check mark. I orginally wanted it to be a springboard for a nice raise or even to be promoted to work downtown. Then I became ill. I talked to God about continuing. I continued on just to keep myself distracted from my husband and my health issues. Yet right now, I am wondering just what have I done? Have I pursued this just as an escape from my husband? My fear is that my health will continue to decline at a faster rate and it will prevent me from using what I have learned.
Now, please understand, I have had some great intriguing conversations due to my additional education. I really understand economics now (ugh) and the impact our elections in two weeks will have on the global economy. Either way, we are doomed. I have enjoyed learning about strategies, visions, missions and goals. I have had a great time understanding ISO certifications and Sigma Six and don’t forget Kaizan.
The real bottom line is that I have to give it to God again and let Him decide what is to be done with this degree.
So, please pray with me now….
Dear God,
I am coughing hard again. I just want to crawl into a hole. But, You, oh Lord, have a greater plan. I believe that You are going to be able to use me to the very end, including this degree. If there is a special place you would like me to work after December, please let that door be open, obvious and close to home with accommodations for my condition.
I know I prayed earlier this month for a job within 5 miles of home and still in the school system. I just want health insurance to cover my bills and some extra to pay the bills.
I know this is nothing for You. So, I ask believing you will answer me before New Year’s eve.
Should your answer be NO, please give me peace in my heart to accept it.
Amen.