I had a wonderful time today spending time with a colleague at work during our annual African American Luncheon. As usual it was good food with good friends. My usual group of friends wanted me to sit with them. I decided to go out of my box and sit with a different group of people. I ended up at a mixed table of history, science and math teachers. It was wonderful.
While waiting for the function to start, I was discussing with my son’s prior history teacher about how he was doing with cancer. Somehow we ended up talking about me. Conversations take on a life of their own. He asked how I was doing and what was my prognosis. Since I don’t really have anything concrete yet, I explained that it looks like I have Lupus that is attacking my lungs and my heart. He just looked at me. I was trying not to be explicit or get into the details. I was talking to a man who had intestinal cancer 5 years ago and has had 5 back surgeries.
He asked about treatment. I told him I have not started one. I still have two more visits before being allowed to start treatment. He admitted he knew nothing of Lupus. He asked what were the medications usually given. I told him that it is usually steroids or a type of chemo therapy to get the condition stable. He didn’t have a comment.
Because I didn’t want to compare myself to him, I told him that I was continuing to work until I am told I am not to. In the mean time, life goes forward. He wished me luck. I thanked him and stole away as soon as the next part of the function started for professional development.
I mean, how does one explain that you have been afflicted with a condition (can’t really call it a disease because no one is quite sure what causes it) that can kill and may have already put one of my feet in the grave.
Honestly, the last two weeks have been hard. My breathing has been harder to do and coughing fits twice a day no matter what asthma meds I take is really taking a toll on me. I try to be strong. But the tears still come and I worry that my lung function is getting worse.
Some days the next two doctor appointments seem like years away even though it is only a week.